Nonconformist Training For Captives

Although I grew in a time of turbulence and great change, I internalized a meme that emphasized conformity, perfection, and pleasing others. I can't blame this on my mother. Not only did she tell me to do my own thing but also she actually did. She was the only woman in suburbia to wear black clothes while every other mother wore pastels. Sometimes she’d mix some red with her black, but black was her signature and she didn’t apologize. Me, I just wanted to own matching sweater sets and blend in––not stand out. Once I entered the job world, I wanted to fit in to get the perks. Inside I wanted to be great, perfect and tough. I deeply desired confirmation or “ that a girl!” I still do –– now it’s on my own terms.

Many of us are still playing by obsolete rules that aren’t working. We wonder why it’s so hard to close the book on the chapters of our lives when they’re not working. It’s hard since it requires breaking from the pack. It means turning our backs on conventions and putting up with the protests and wrinkled brows of people close to us, but it’s the only way to succeed at a life makeover and live by your own rules.

So we avoid change, even when we desperately crave it. Take heart –– if it were easy, all of us would fearlessly morph like chameleons and create new lives when the old ones didn’t fit. To make the mental leap you’ll have to give yourself permission to change things up:

1. Allow yourself to change your mind and reverse prior decisions. You have the freedom to downshift, change lanes or get off the track you were on at anytime. You make the rules. No limit on do-overs.
2. Choose a lifestyle option that completely fits you and select work that complements it.
3. Increase your curiosity so you’re driven to explore and do things in new ways. Checking out interests will lead you to new places so the odds of more doors opening increases. New opportunities will appear in areas you never knew existed.
4. Enter a world of total possibility. If you want to enjoy a life greater than you ever imagined you have to go through a little non-conformist training.

Study the habits of “outsiders” who have changed the way the world works. Here’s 10 to think and act like an outsider. Call them fringe dwellers or outsiders, but they are on the leading edge of how we all need to be to endure the “on your own economy.” These models are more appealing to me than corporate stiff, buttoned up or good soldier.

• They are comfortable in their skin. They cultivate their original behavior and thinking. They’re lived through periods without instant approval and are often ahead of the curve. They listen to themselves over authorities.
• They’ve gained comfort with change and practice the art of letting go -- they don’t hold on to things too tight, push, or steer excessively.
• They know what’s important to them and what matters and have clear life priorities. They make sure they synch up.
• They are involved with community projects or world events, things that are important and meaningful to them. They offer their time and talents to bigger ideas.
• They stay close to nature or the arts for refreshment and inspiration.
• They cultivate a diverse group of friends, from different age groups and cultures. And, they learn from them.
• They’re lifelong students. Though they have mastery in one area, they choose to be “students” in another area. They play the role of teacher in their area of expertise or by example.
• They understand risk and living dangerously or foolishly. And they understand the crippling effects of too much security.
• They infuse love and joy in their lives. They derive pleasure from simple things—poetry, dance, music, gardening, cooking, travel, walking, photography, family, friends and pets. They are fully engaged.
• They don’t neglect their sensuality. They get massages, engage in movement, pet animals, and are generous with hugs. They take time to offset the hardening and numbing effects of stressful speedy lives with physicality.

Try on few of these habits. Practice them; make them your own. You’ll soon be trailblazing a new attitude and, more importantly, a new life -- even if it begins as an inner life.

Mandatory Optimism

Barbara Ehrenreich is a brave and passionate author/ reporter who has written important books like "Bait and Switch" and "Nickel and Dimed." She writes about all the stuff that makes our skin crawl like corporate greed and champions underdogs. Years ago, she launched United Professionals to rally workers and lobby Washington. They found my site before the book was complete and I joined the group. Instead of giving all your blood, sweat, and tears to the job, give it to a cause. If you are a passionate woman who wants to become an activist than this is the organization for you.

I don't dwell on the chaos and misery of corporate life because it gets me so outraged. You won't see anything here about the horrors of BP because I don't know what else I could add to the conversation when the Huffington Post and others are doing such a great job reporting on it. You won't hear me dwell on pretending to be positive when everything in your day job world isn't upbeat. What you will read again and again is to control what you can and leave the rest alone.

This video is 10 minutes long--but worth it. My friend Michele is a corporate refugee/ recoveree who was an engineer and currently is a trainer with a unique angle––she works with people who want to lose the last 20 stubborn pounds. She always sends me good stuff.

Check it out and pass it on.

Smile or Die

Stress makes you Stupid: Conscious Distraction through music is the RX

Who has time for play? I used to say that. While I didn’t think I needed it, I’d sneer at woman who made time to play tennis, dance or paint. Why were they wasting their time? Until I moved to California and was obviously a little jealous that people could actually work AND have fun. I never thought I’d be saying stress makes you stupid. I thought stress made me serious and gave me an edge. But knee-jerk reactions to situations aren’t your best response. Dare to bend your assumptions about what’s good for you and what’s bad. Working harder is bad. Unwinding is good. Working harder without knowing why is a way to avoid reality is denial. Letting go and airing out is renewal and you need it when you are really under stress.

Having greater clarity and awareness is what you want to have. To achieve it, you need to do things that will reboot and reset your brain. It’s a brain break. It will help you end ruminating thoughts even if it’s for an hour. You will shift from "OMG, OMG the sky is falling!" to "OMG, there is a God and life isn’t as bad as I thought." You’ll have clarity and be able to focus on the key 2 things you need to do today instead of the 2 zillion things.

If this inner calm and discernment sounds like Nirvana, it is. It’s why people practice yoga or become hooked on drumming, dancing or painting or praying. They get a glimpse of something. They get out of their way and the veil of deception and busyness is lifted for a moment. It’s a delicious tease, and you want more

Try listening to great music. It doesn’t matter if it’s Classical or Reggae. The music you resonate with and like will have a positive effect on you. The Greeks recognized the healing effects of music. Avram Goldstein, a neuroscientist at Stanford University concluded back in the 80’s that music releases endorphins, the body’s natural mood booster and painkiller. The Cleveland Clinic studied 40 people with chronic pain. Half of them listened to music of their choice for a week and experienced 21% less pain and 25% less depression than those who didn’t. So create your own happy, upbeat song tracks and walk at lunch and listen to them. You will be tuning out the noise from the office and receive a hormone high.

My zombie track: If you are in LA, 1260 AM is called retro music and I love the double shot of Frank at the lunchtime hour. All Sinatra all the time makes me sing out loud and off key, and I have more confidence to “Do it My Way.”