Loss always feels bad. Impending loss can feel discombobulating, and the anticipation can feel just as bad. When fear or pain becomes unbearable, we block it out like post-traumatic shock. Americans are suffering from PTS. Bombarded by constant negative news, our worries get amplified and we’re also pissed. I feel outraged about corporate greed and about excessive earnings at the expense of workers. I am angry and sad — who isn’t?
It feels like a personal attack. When I learned that my successor was making twice what I earned I was pissed, but underneath I was deeply sad. Sad I hadn’t thought bigger, self-loathing because I hadn’t spoken up and insisted I get more, sad about the loss of investments I could have enjoyed and security I will miss out on, and mad I wasn’t rewarded better. I stewed and felt like something in me died. I felt tired. So I read On Death and Dying by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. She outlined stages of grief as: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression. Some of it fit but the stages felt limiting and heck, I wasn’t in denial. It was in my face. I found author Joanne Jozefowski's Phoenix Phenomenon: Rising from the Ashes of Grief described something more truly. She talks about phases of grief as impact, chaos, adaptation, equilibrium, and post-traumatic growth.
As a nation, we are grieving and it’s normal; it's only pathological when we pretend nothing is wrong and beat ourselves up. We wish to numb out and take a happy pill hoping we will awaken to a better time. But we really need to feel the loss, not be crazy busy at all times. That’s numbing and there’s no positive action you can take when you are in hamster-on-the-wheel mode.
The big picture is this: we are traumatized by the economy. Every crisis has a silver lining too.
1) Make it a habit to look beyond this––no recession lasts forever, it’s a reset period.
2) Think of the times you’ve fallen or failed and gotten back up stronger.
3) Get a support circle made up of friends or family who will embrace and validate you.
4) Call upon your faith. When you move from feeling like a victim to feeling like a survivor you are going to make it.
I got laid off after 9 1/2 years. I started to build a business within a year but who knew the economy was going to tank a year later. I realize now if I'd known more about the grieving process some of my reactions would've made sense. I was fortunate to become a part of a womens networking group in the San Fernando Valley, I'm teaching now and Lucky Dog Graphic Design is growing, slowly but steadily. It's taken years and if I'd known some of the pitfalls I think I could've handled the process even better. Thank you Alyse for your wise words. Karen Jossel, Art Director/Owner, Lucky Dog Graphic Design
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to come across this article and be validated. I was severely traumatized by excessive hours and responsibilities and travel and then was thrown away in January like a piece of meat. I am still so angry. So angry I have been truly scarred from this and have lost all hope of ever having security or stability like some people have. I was a consultant so it was ten times worse than regular corporate America and I hung in there for years just pushing and pushing myself. I was violent towards myself and my body will never forget that. Its permanent. I'm bartending now while I work on pre-ministerial studies. I cannot stand the thought of living in that much pain again. Its like I was "charged up" through that resistance and then once I was released, that energy is going straight into the polar opposite. I don't judge that though - I think it has a purpose. I hope one day I am able to let go of the anger. I wanted so desperately to believe I could have it all and find safety and security in the path that was "handed to me." I see that now.... great opportunity to hand myself a new path.
ReplyDelete