Finding my Methadone

When I eat or drink too much eventually I think, “I need to stop because it’s getting worse.” I might rejoin Weight Watchers, go to the gym more, quit drinking cold turkey or cut back to regain control, get structure and support. But working too much is trickier and when corporate life or the job becomes too much it’s harder to take appropriate action.

When you can admit that you want out or you start asking yourself, ‘When did it get so bad?” that’s a sign to start a recovery process. Yes, right when you are in the thick of it. Start distancing yourself. It’s something you can do that allows you to take back your power and authority. Too much attention on “them” and not enough of you is an imbalance. If you are giving 24/7 and they don’t give you back-up support, clear feedback and you foolishly believe that working more will save you, it won’t. I say, bless your job everyday but alter your thinking. (April Gallup Poll found 1 in 5 Americans said they will likely lose their job within the year.)

I started distancing myself in small ways. Even before I took an outpost job working from my home, I made lists. I wrote two headers on the top of a page. One was “what can I control?” where I listed the things I could take over and run with. The second one was “what can’t I control?” The answers were things like the negative culture, idiosyncrasies of co-workers, timetables and more. It helped me see the truth. Not everything I worked on or needed to do carried equal weight, and I found I had some control.

The way I loosened the reins was to get involved with another group besides my co-workers, clients or buzz kills. I attended Toastmasters at a spiritual center called Agape in Los Angeles. Did I mention it was at 9am on Saturdays? There was so much positive attention and constructive feedback that I found it weird and great. We were all there to help support and improve who we were. Even winning the silly ribbons and hanging them on my fridge gave me a lift. It became the highlight of the week. The contrast between this group and complaining colleagues made it hard to ignore that work environments can be a toxic suck hole. I found I really loved public speaking, and I learned a skill while adding a feel-good experience to my week.

My First Steps Out

My liberation began when I admitted something was wrong and I decided to change it. No big declaration was necessary. No one needed to know. Detaching was my attitude adjustment that rebalanced the relationship I had with my employer and the corporate Macho Rambo culture.

I loosened the ties by separating emotionally and later physically from them and doing more of what was best for me. I consider it personal leadership at it’s finest - putting myself under new management and reorganizing my life felt powerful. It didn’t matter that I really still had a boss.

It was tough questioning my old assumptions. Especially fundamental beliefs about the “contract’ with your employer. Even though I knew there were no guarantees I still believed if I worked harder and did more that I’d get a prize. Today, 10 years later I find if I am stressed I push harder and terrorize myself to do more even though I am the boss of my own company. What would I be like if I never meditated? Probably the battle inside my mind would fight harder and be out of control 24/7. Thank goodness I catch it faster.