Traumatized: Underneath the Anger is Grief, Sadness and Fear

Loss always feels bad. Impending loss can feel discombobulating, and the anticipation can feel just as bad. When fear or pain becomes unbearable, we block it out like post-traumatic shock. Americans are suffering from PTS. Bombarded by constant negative news, our worries get amplified and we’re also pissed. I feel outraged about corporate greed and about excessive earnings at the expense of workers. I am angry and sad — who isn’t?

It feels like a personal attack. When I learned that my successor was making twice what I earned I was pissed, but underneath I was deeply sad. Sad I hadn’t thought bigger, self-loathing because I hadn’t spoken up and insisted I get more, sad about the loss of investments I could have enjoyed and security I will miss out on, and mad I wasn’t rewarded better. I stewed and felt like something in me died. I felt tired. So I read On Death and Dying by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. She outlined stages of grief as: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression. Some of it fit but the stages felt limiting and heck, I wasn’t in denial. It was in my face. I found author Joanne Jozefowski's Phoenix Phenomenon: Rising from the Ashes of Grief described something more truly. She talks about phases of grief as impact, chaos, adaptation, equilibrium, and post-traumatic growth.

As a nation, we are grieving and it’s normal; it's only pathological when we pretend nothing is wrong and beat ourselves up. We wish to numb out and take a happy pill hoping we will awaken to a better time. But we really need to feel the loss, not be crazy busy at all times. That’s numbing and there’s no positive action you can take when you are in hamster-on-the-wheel mode.

The big picture is this: we are traumatized by the economy. Every crisis has a silver lining too.

1) Make it a habit to look beyond this––no recession lasts forever, it’s a reset period.
2) Think of the times you’ve fallen or failed and gotten back up stronger.
3) Get a support circle made up of friends or family who will embrace and validate you.
4) Call upon your faith. When you move from feeling like a victim to feeling like a survivor you are going to make it.

10 Ways to Work It on the Side

My biggest mistake was not buying a duplex or four-plex while I was an employee. I never thought of it. It seemed out of reach. I could have even gone in with a friend or two. Could have bought in another state. Since living in the shoulda, coulda world is a surefire way to spiral down into the sink hole, I don't suggest it. Check out some of the things below. One of them will capture your attention. Diversification is the name of the game. You've got to be taking care of yourself - that's your main business. Explore different revenue streams and opportunities to augment trading your human sweat for faux security and a predictable salary.

Don't quit your day job. Start with small baby steps. Incremental consistent steps are more sustainable than jumping off the high dive.

• Soloist: Go it alone; do what you do now but a la carte. For example, head hunter, PR, sales rep, personal trainer, masseuse, caterer, virtual assistant, to name a few.
• Consult: Offer your experience/expertise to companies or individuals.
• Content Creator: Freelance writer, speaker, filmmaker, web-caster, ghost blogger, online brand manager.
• E/M Commerce Seller: Sell products or services online.
• Public Speaker: Talk about what you know and get paid. Work inside corporate and industry specific or with Jane and John Q. Public. (Read Speak and Grow Rich by Dottie Waters).
• Teach: workshops, continuing ed, technical schools.
• Assist: Offer necessary services others can't or won't do. A la carte services like V.A. (Virtual Assistant) or bookkeeping, editing, organizing.
• Independent Contractor: Work doing what you've done in the past for an employer without benefits. You can work for several companies simultaneously and be very competitively priced and have more free time.
• Inventor: Create Something. License or franchise the formula. (See www.smallbusinessopportunity.com or www.franchiseforsale.com).
• Buy and Manage: Real estate, landlord, franchisee, small business owner, investments. (My girlfriend manages her complex as her day job AND she pitches film projects in between - smart cookie she is!)

I want to be sedated

I am intense. I obsess and I live in the future besides living in the now. When my head is swimming in all the possibilities of what life will be like if only I would finish this or do that, I become totally overwhelmed and want out. Wanting out is code for escapism. I wish to be somewhere else, outside of my head.

A guilty pleasure of mine is watching a movie in the late afternoon or catching Tivo before 7AM. I noticed if I watch GLEE or 30 Rock instead of CNN first thing in the morning, I feel better. I sing in the shower after watching Glee and talk about Beyonce's song instead of watching the plunging Dow Jones numbers.

A quickie lunchtime movie provides a feel-good experience for a one to one-and-1/2-hour and it's worth a laugh. Do it with a friend and you will feel lighter. Here's a list: Any Woody Allen or Mel Brooks movie, Ben Stiller's Meet the Parents or Something about Mary. At the theater I enjoyed It's Complicated and Date Night was predictable but silly. I love singing along to musicals like Chicago and others, and if you heard it you'd LOL. If you are thinking "she must be joking," I am not. When was the last time you laughed?