Your Corporate Recovery

Nonconformist Training For Captives

2010-07-22T21:03:00.000-07:00

Although I grew in a time of turbulence and great change, I internalized a meme that emphasized conformity, perfection, and pleasing others. I can't blame this on my mother. Not only did she tell me to do my own thing but also she actually did. She was the only woman in suburbia to wear black clothes while every other mother wore pastels. Sometimes she’d mix some red with her black, but black was her signature and she didn’t apologize. Me, I just wanted to own matching sweater sets and blend in––not stand out. Once I entered the job world, I wanted to fit in to get the perks. Inside I wanted to be great, perfect and tough. I deeply desired confirmation or “ that a girl!” I still do –– now it’s on my own terms.

Many of us are still playing by obsolete rules that aren’t working. We wonder why it’s so hard to close the book on the chapters of our lives when they’re not working. It’s hard since it requires breaking from the pack. It means turning our backs on conventions and putting up with the protests and wrinkled brows of people close to us, but it’s the only way to succeed at a life makeover and live by your own rules.

So we avoid change, even when we desperately crave it. Take heart –– if it were easy, all of us would fearlessly morph like chameleons and create new lives when the old ones didn’t fit. To make the mental leap you’ll have to give yourself permission to change things up:

Allow yourself to change your mind and reverse prior decisions. You have the freedom to downshift, change lanes or get off the track you were on at anytime. You make the rules. No limit on do-overs.
Choose a lifestyle option that completely fits you and select work that complements it.
Increase your curiosity so you’re driven to explore and do things in new ways. Checking out interests will lead you to new places so the odds of more doors opening increases. New opportunities will appear in areas you never knew existed.
Enter a world of total possibility. If you want to enjoy a life greater than you ever imagined you have to go through a little non-conformist training.

Study the habits of “outsiders” who have changed the way the world works. Here’s 10 to think and act like an outsider. Call them fringe dwellers or outsiders, but they are on the leading edge of how we all need to be to endure the “on your own economy.” These models are more appealing to me than corporate stiff, buttoned up or good soldier.

They are comfortable in their skin. They cultivate their original behavior and thinking. They’re lived through periods without instant approval and are often ahead of the curve. They listen to themselves over authorities.
They’ve gained comfort with change and practice the art of letting go -- they don’t hold on to things too tight, push, or steer excessively.
They know what’s important to them and what matters and have clear life priorities. They make sure they synch up.
They are involved with community projects or world events, things that are important and meaningful to them. They offer their time and talents to bigger ideas.
They stay close to nature or the arts for refreshment and inspiration.
They cultivate a diverse group of friends, from different age groups and cultures. And, they learn from them.
They’re lifelong students. Though they have mastery in one area, they choose to be “students” in another area. They play the role of teacher in their area of expertise or by example.
They understand risk and living dangerously or foolishly. And they understand the crippling effects of too much security.
They infuse love and joy in their lives. They derive pleasure from simple things—poetry, dance, music, gardening, cooking, travel, walking, photography, family, friends and pets. They are fully engaged.
They don’t neglect their sensuality. They get massages, engage in movement, pet animals, and are generous with hugs. They take time to offset the hardening and numbing effects of stressful speedy lives with physicality.

Try on few of these habits. Practice them; make them your own. You’ll soon be trailblazing a new attitude and, more importantly, a new life -- even if it begins as an inner life.

Mandatory Optimism

2010-06-24T21:02:00.000-07:00

Barbara Ehrenreich is a brave and passionate author/ reporter who has written important books like "Bait and Switch" and "Nickel and Dimed." She writes about all the stuff that makes our skin crawl like corporate greed and champions underdogs. Years ago, she launched United Professionals to rally workers and lobby Washington. They found my site before the book was complete and I joined the group. Instead of giving all your blood, sweat, and tears to the job, give it to a cause. If you are a passionate woman who wants to become an activist than this is the organization for you.

I don't dwell on the chaos and misery of corporate life because it gets me so outraged. You won't see anything here about the horrors of BP because I don't know what else I could add to the conversation when the Huffington Post and others are doing such a great job reporting on it. You won't hear me dwell on pretending to be positive when everything in your day job world isn't upbeat. What you will read again and again is to control what you can and leave the rest alone.

This video is 10 minutes long--but worth it. My friend Michele is a corporate refugee/ recoveree who was an engineer and currently is a trainer with a unique angle––she works with people who want to lose the last 20 stubborn pounds. She always sends me good stuff.

Check it out and pass it on.

Smile or Die

Stress makes you Stupid: Conscious Distraction through music is the RX

2010-06-10T23:24:00.000-07:00

Who has time for play? I used to say that. While I didn’t think I needed it, I’d sneer at woman who made time to play tennis, dance or paint. Why were they wasting their time? Until I moved to California and was obviously a little jealous that people could actually work AND have fun. I never thought I’d be saying stress makes you stupid. I thought stress made me serious and gave me an edge. But knee-jerk reactions to situations aren’t your best response. Dare to bend your assumptions about what’s good for you and what’s bad. Working harder is bad. Unwinding is good. Working harder without knowing why is a way to avoid reality is denial. Letting go and airing out is renewal and you need it when you are really under stress.

Having greater clarity and awareness is what you want to have. To achieve it, you need to do things that will reboot and reset your brain. It’s a brain break. It will help you end ruminating thoughts even if it’s for an hour. You will shift from "OMG, OMG the sky is falling!" to "OMG, there is a God and life isn’t as bad as I thought." You’ll have clarity and be able to focus on the key 2 things you need to do today instead of the 2 zillion things.

If this inner calm and discernment sounds like Nirvana, it is. It’s why people practice yoga or become hooked on drumming, dancing or painting or praying. They get a glimpse of something. They get out of their way and the veil of deception and busyness is lifted for a moment. It’s a delicious tease, and you want more

Try listening to great music. It doesn’t matter if it’s Classical or Reggae. The music you resonate with and like will have a positive effect on you. The Greeks recognized the healing effects of music. Avram Goldstein, a neuroscientist at Stanford University concluded back in the 80’s that music releases endorphins, the body’s natural mood booster and painkiller. The Cleveland Clinic studied 40 people with chronic pain. Half of them listened to music of their choice for a week and experienced 21% less pain and 25% less depression than those who didn’t. So create your own happy, upbeat song tracks and walk at lunch and listen to them. You will be tuning out the noise from the office and receive a hormone high.

My zombie track: If you are in LA, 1260 AM is called retro music and I love the double shot of Frank at the lunchtime hour. All Sinatra all the time makes me sing out loud and off key, and I have more confidence to “Do it My Way.”

Evolution of Business: More Female and More Fluid

2010-06-07T22:51:00.000-07:00

This weekend I attended a day of renewal event hosted by In The Know Resources created by Vicky Rathje, an ex-corporatista turned entrepreneur. Not only did I enjoy massage, music, painting, dance and networking with 100 other woman but it was for a great cause called The Breast Cancer Fund. Visiting their site will be an eye opener, and you won’t think about food or make-up the same again. You might want to scream about the crap in our beauty products. That’s a rant about greed and profit for another day. My focus now is about choice and what we can control –– so vote with your dollars and blab to your friends when you find cool stuff that’s under the radar. Find groups to affiliate with.

Vicky is gathering women, and there are scores of women in every city in America creating circles for all different kinds of reasons ranging from entrepreneurship and business to advancing causes or enjoying similar hobbies. It’s fun to watch how the circles begin to overlap. We are really weaving a web of caring and change as we hold hands and hold our breath hoping we will not only endure these wild times but create something new and better.

We women wish to work in a new ways and bring more YIN (female) energy to our work so we can rebalance and feel more harmonious and fluid. In my book Corporate Recovery, I write how we’ve lived under the Rambo, war-like military model and some of us have so over-adapted that we’re shut down. We feel nothing but pain and we crave a shared view of power. We crave authenticity. We are sick of working as chicks with man parts. We need a new picture and a new story of how things will be. This little excerpt shows where we are heading. As we accept our “womaness” and bring it forth, we will reshape the future of our own lives, our neighborhoods, or communities, our politics, and our work life. We will become the change we wish to see in the world.

New Times Require New Ways

Old World	New World
Corporate agenda	21st century business
Paternalistic (based on military)	All-inclusive Cerebral imaginational revolution Relationships are the currency
Industrial Revolution	Fluid, adaptable, responsive Notice opportunities
Always do	Initiate when time is right, conserve
Always push	Observe the outcome, refine, edit
Grow continuously	Reflect periodically, sustain
Rigid, do it one way	Adjust and do right for the moment Look for cyclical/seasonal trends
Sacrifice yourself	Use your energy wisely
Structured	Looser, sensitive, intuitive
Pyramid structure (few on top) More macho	Web-shaped network circle Strong ethics Purpose Community More Female

How's that for size?

2010-06-04T15:20:00.000-07:00

So, you're thinking about a big career switch, but there's that little nagging voice that keeps saying how you don't know anything about where you're going and how could you know if you're going to be any good at it. Well, now you can "try on" an alternative career at Vocation Vacations.

This is brilliant! Check out the list of almost 180 career mentorships they offer. These are vacation packages where you get to work one-on-one with a professional in a specific field. Want to know if you've got what it takes to be a forensic pathologist? A chef? A publicist? An ice cream shop owner? Get some hands-on experience before you jump ship!

Traumatized: Underneath the Anger is Grief, Sadness and Fear

2010-05-27T21:57:00.001-07:00

Loss always feels bad. Impending loss can feel discombobulating, and the anticipation can feel just as bad. When fear or pain becomes unbearable, we block it out like post-traumatic shock. Americans are suffering from PTS. Bombarded by constant negative news, our worries get amplified and we’re also pissed. I feel outraged about corporate greed and about excessive earnings at the expense of workers. I am angry and sad — who isn’t?

It feels like a personal attack. When I learned that my successor was making twice what I earned I was pissed, but underneath I was deeply sad. Sad I hadn’t thought bigger, self-loathing because I hadn’t spoken up and insisted I get more, sad about the loss of investments I could have enjoyed and security I will miss out on, and mad I wasn’t rewarded better. I stewed and felt like something in me died. I felt tired. So I read On Death and Dying by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. She outlined stages of grief as: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression. Some of it fit but the stages felt limiting and heck, I wasn’t in denial. It was in my face. I found author Joanne Jozefowski's Phoenix Phenomenon: Rising from the Ashes of Grief described something more truly. She talks about phases of grief as impact, chaos, adaptation, equilibrium, and post-traumatic growth.

As a nation, we are grieving and it’s normal; it's only pathological when we pretend nothing is wrong and beat ourselves up. We wish to numb out and take a happy pill hoping we will awaken to a better time. But we really need to feel the loss, not be crazy busy at all times. That’s numbing and there’s no positive action you can take when you are in hamster-on-the-wheel mode.

The big picture is this: we are traumatized by the economy. Every crisis has a silver lining too.

1) Make it a habit to look beyond this––no recession lasts forever, it’s a reset period.
2) Think of the times you’ve fallen or failed and gotten back up stronger.
3) Get a support circle made up of friends or family who will embrace and validate you.
4) Call upon your faith. When you move from feeling like a victim to feeling like a survivor you are going to make it.

10 Ways to Work It on the Side

2010-05-21T13:35:00.000-07:00

My biggest mistake was not buying a duplex or four-plex while I was an employee. I never thought of it. It seemed out of reach. I could have even gone in with a friend or two. Could have bought in another state. Since living in the shoulda, coulda world is a surefire way to spiral down into the sink hole, I don't suggest it. Check out some of the things below. One of them will capture your attention. Diversification is the name of the game. You've got to be taking care of yourself - that's your main business. Explore different revenue streams and opportunities to augment trading your human sweat for faux security and a predictable salary.

Don't quit your day job. Start with small baby steps. Incremental consistent steps are more sustainable than jumping off the high dive.

Soloist: Go it alone; do what you do now but a la carte. For example, head hunter, PR, sales rep, personal trainer, masseuse, caterer, virtual assistant, to name a few.
Consult: Offer your experience/expertise to companies or individuals.
Content Creator: Freelance writer, speaker, filmmaker, web-caster, ghost blogger, online brand manager.
E/M Commerce Seller: Sell products or services online.
Public Speaker: Talk about what you know and get paid. Work inside corporate and industry specific or with Jane and John Q. Public. (Read Speak and Grow Rich by Dottie Waters).
Teach: workshops, continuing ed, technical schools.
Assist: Offer necessary services others can't or won't do. A la carte services like V.A. (Virtual Assistant) or bookkeeping, editing, organizing.
Independent Contractor: Work doing what you've done in the past for an employer without benefits. You can work for several companies simultaneously and be very competitively priced and have more free time.
Inventor: Create Something. License or franchise the formula. (See www.smallbusinessopportunity.com or www.franchiseforsale.com).
Buy and Manage: Real estate, landlord, franchisee, small business owner, investments. (My girlfriend manages her complex as her day job AND she pitches film projects in between - smart cookie she is!)

I want to be sedated

2010-05-17T13:34:00.000-07:00

I am intense. I obsess and I live in the future besides living in the now. When my head is swimming in all the possibilities of what life will be like if only I would finish this or do that, I become totally overwhelmed and want out. Wanting out is code for escapism. I wish to be somewhere else, outside of my head.

A guilty pleasure of mine is watching a movie in the late afternoon or catching Tivo before 7AM. I noticed if I watch GLEE or 30 Rock instead of CNN first thing in the morning, I feel better. I sing in the shower after watching Glee and talk about Beyonce's song instead of watching the plunging Dow Jones numbers.

A quickie lunchtime movie provides a feel-good experience for a one to one-and-1/2-hour and it's worth a laugh. Do it with a friend and you will feel lighter. Here's a list: Any Woody Allen or Mel Brooks movie, Ben Stiller's Meet the Parents or Something about Mary. At the theater I enjoyed It's Complicated and Date Night was predictable but silly. I love singing along to musicals like Chicago and others, and if you heard it you'd LOL. If you are thinking "she must be joking," I am not. When was the last time you laughed?

Finding my Methadone

2010-04-30T13:32:00.000-07:00

When I eat or drink too much eventually I think, “I need to stop because it’s getting worse.” I might rejoin Weight Watchers, go to the gym more, quit drinking cold turkey or cut back to regain control, get structure and support. But working too much is trickier and when corporate life or the job becomes too much it’s harder to take appropriate action.

When you can admit that you want out or you start asking yourself, ‘When did it get so bad?” that’s a sign to start a recovery process. Yes, right when you are in the thick of it. Start distancing yourself. It’s something you can do that allows you to take back your power and authority. Too much attention on “them” and not enough of you is an imbalance. If you are giving 24/7 and they don’t give you back-up support, clear feedback and you foolishly believe that working more will save you, it won’t. I say, bless your job everyday but alter your thinking. (April Gallup Poll found 1 in 5 Americans said they will likely lose their job within the year.)

I started distancing myself in small ways. Even before I took an outpost job working from my home, I made lists. I wrote two headers on the top of a page. One was “what can I control?” where I listed the things I could take over and run with. The second one was “what can’t I control?” The answers were things like the negative culture, idiosyncrasies of co-workers, timetables and more. It helped me see the truth. Not everything I worked on or needed to do carried equal weight, and I found I had some control.

The way I loosened the reins was to get involved with another group besides my co-workers, clients or buzz kills. I attended Toastmasters at a spiritual center called Agape in Los Angeles. Did I mention it was at 9am on Saturdays? There was so much positive attention and constructive feedback that I found it weird and great. We were all there to help support and improve who we were. Even winning the silly ribbons and hanging them on my fridge gave me a lift. It became the highlight of the week. The contrast between this group and complaining colleagues made it hard to ignore that work environments can be a toxic suck hole. I found I really loved public speaking, and I learned a skill while adding a feel-good experience to my week.

My First Steps Out

2010-04-13T13:29:00.000-07:00

My liberation began when I admitted something was wrong and I decided to change it. No big declaration was necessary. No one needed to know. Detaching was my attitude adjustment that rebalanced the relationship I had with my employer and the corporate Macho Rambo culture.

I loosened the ties by separating emotionally and later physically from them and doing more of what was best for me. I consider it personal leadership at it’s finest - putting myself under new management and reorganizing my life felt powerful. It didn’t matter that I really still had a boss.

It was tough questioning my old assumptions. Especially fundamental beliefs about the “contract’ with your employer. Even though I knew there were no guarantees I still believed if I worked harder and did more that I’d get a prize. Today, 10 years later I find if I am stressed I push harder and terrorize myself to do more even though I am the boss of my own company. What would I be like if I never meditated? Probably the battle inside my mind would fight harder and be out of control 24/7. Thank goodness I catch it faster.

Welcome to Corporate Recovery!

2010-03-30T13:21:00.000-07:00

“You don’t have to quit your job to change your life. Put some of what you love into your every day and it makes the biggest difference in the world.”